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Dear Miss Managed Care,

Our HMO has recently expanded its coverage. We now continue to provide care (and bill) our dead subscribers. These subscribers have a very low rate of complaints about our services. However, they have a tendency to be stiff-necked, and unresponsive to repeated calls from our care managers. What is the proper way for our care managers to deal with this new class of subscribers?
                                                                                Gentle Reader

Dear Gentle Reader,

It appears that you are unaware of the correct way to address these individuals or the polite way to interact with them. Refer to them as "vitally challenged", and please avoid the outmoded, derogatory term, "dead." As for their verbal "unresponsiveness," Miss Managed Care would suggest that your care managers be empathetic and simply write down what you imagine they would say or feel. You have ample practice using this technique with your living subscribers. Miss Managed Care commends your attempts to broaden your understanding of this vast undeserved population. 

                                                                                  Best Regards,
                                                                                  Miss Managed Care

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